therealtophat

happy eating food day all the nobody that reads this!

It's a very odd feeling to go from complete devastation to total relief in a matter of one day. My boyfriend makes hasty decision, ones he even admits were based on faulty or less than realistic logic. He had been talking to someone who likes to tell him how much potential he has and how much he needs to escape the life he knows to go off and achieve all sorts of amazing things. I agree he has the potential and anywhere he chooses to go, anything he chooses to do i support and hope to be a part of. Thankfully what i'd been trying to get him to realize he realized all on his own... that there is no reason I can't still be there while he goes through the next phase of his life. That there is no reason to end something great just because of uncertainty about what MIGHT happen. Anything could happen no matter what you're talking about, every time you get into a car you could crash but that doesn't stop people from going places and sometimes you go places you'll remember forever. I was about 15 minutes from driving over to his house uninvited once he got out of class and saying everything I could think of to win him back. But I didn't have to, he got home earlier than expected and said he wanted to see me... and when i got there... well good things and I know the annoying shit i was saying about like "I know it can't really be over, I know he'll come back, I know i need to see him" is all the same crap everyone says and it's almost never right but I just hope, and even pray that i'm the exception and that this was just one of those bad moments that all the best relationships manage to survive and come out stronger in the long run. WORK TIME

i don't know why i'm writing this i think because no one reads it. my boyfriend left me. he told me he was breaking up with me after a long tearful talk in his car i made him say the words even though he didn't want to... i wasn't going to let him just imply what he meant. I've never felt this way before and I never want to feel it again. I know everyone says it happens, everyone has their heart broken but I don't want to be like everyone and even right now I don't really believe it. He seemed too hurt to tell me it... so unsure... his big reason was because he's young (4 years younger than me) and doesn't think he's ready for something as long term as i am... or at least isn't sure he is yet. He doesn't think he's experienced enough to be settling down but mostly he said he loves me but it's not the right kind of love. I don't know what that even really means and we were holding each other the whole time i don't know what more love he wants.... he knows i'd do anything for him and I was as sure as I could be that I wanted to do everything I could with him. I loved to hold him, and kiss him, and watch him make music and be with him and talk to him and be his and have him be mine. I had no idea he wanted to break up, and he says he didn't either he just suddenly realized that something wasn't right. He said maybe he'll realize this is a mistake and if so asked if i'd take him back... and I said if i was sure he really knew he wanted to try again but then i broke down and told him of course I would but i dont' want to have to lose him in the first place. I feel completely empty... he asked why i can't just be happy with me but that's not how it works, i could be happy with me but now that i've had him just being happy with me isn't enough... happy me likes to be with happy him, happy me LOVES him and can't be whole without him. I know i sound like a douche but it's what i feel and i don't understand why he can't be with me while he tries to figure out his life or whatever... i'd do everything i could to support him and be there for him... and meh... okay, that's enough. i have to pretend i can sleep now.

The sleep didn't work... and now I can't tell what i'm suppose to do with him now. I don't want to cut him out of my life, everyone seems to think i need to get away from him, at least for awhile but I've wanted to see him every second since he left. He doesn't want to stop seeing me either but neither of us thinks we can really be normal friends. So what does it mean? Do I try and cut him out losing someone i care about the most entirely? Totally changing everything I've planned ahead for? Or do I still see him when we'll either have an awkward friendship or some kind of fake dating where we're still close and loving with each other but I never know if it's cause he just feels bad for me and the whole time i'm hoping I can change his mind... i want him in my life but I want to hold him, is it possible for me to be happy if he's still close to me but never wants to try again?

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The person who wrote this is thirteen years old, turn around and go back.

We're sorry the blogger you requested has been temporarily suspended: Exceeding the allowed limit of expressed philosophical theories from a middle-aged man living in a basement.

(clearly that last one can be edited for stoned hippies, drunk sorority chicks, online fantasy writers, fan of fox news, etc.)

I shouldn't be writing this, an entry about what I should write an essay about. Based on my 1st week of "Essay Workshop" I've learned that my writing this very well could BE my essay. The only problem would be length I suppose seeing as I've already surpassed my expectations in that area. I have to write... I think 4 essays for this class, which aren't the essays we learned about in highschool apparently thats all bullshit just like everything I've been taught. Every time you move to a new building for education you learn that everything you were taught previously was narrow minded or pointless, which I'm sure will be how I view my college career when I get an actual job. But none the less my 1st essay is to be handed in and workshopped sometime next week so I'd love to write it before the weekend and shit if I wrote 2 before the end of the weekend I'd be like half way done the class. It just has to be factual... I pretty much just have to write about whatever I want and whatever it is i think about the topic... or I can just talk about something that happened to me and pretend that I actually thought about it while it happened. So... all the nobody that is reading this, give me an idea.

Never make the mistake of talking rationally to an irrational human being. It hurts your head.

I know i'm not a huge fan of most people... and like I hate youtube 90% of the time. But this is so worth forgetting all of that. It's times like this i'm proud to be a fan of The Flaming Lips. Wayne showed up in a UFO..A UFO! Watch it if you want.. I know most their fans are drugged out, I know all that stuff but who cares dude... A UFO... A bubble isn't enough? I saw awhile back they'll be in philly next month.. this makes me wanna go but like i dunno, I need to think about money and the fact that i'll JUST be starting back at work. Kinda bad to take off the first week. If i knew they were doing a show like this I wouldn't hesitate.

Somethings you can add when you talk about how great I am.

Amateur Balloon Artist

I know that's what I said.

You love it

I'm going to be scheduling tonight and I'm asking all of you to please prevent ANYONE ELSE from my school trying to do the same. I really don't want the network to freak out like last semester and then have me terrified all night that i'm losing my chance for good classes. Also.. i'm going to be a senior so i should probably get what i want at this point right? I hope so. The best schedule I came up with is still the worst i've had yet... school on fridays? INSANITY!

what are you?

Oh March, you're such a month.
I'm too lazy to write that much about you so here...

Lots of work, LOTS OF WORK.
'
Midterms, 2 of them? No maybe 3, one in type which was like Fucking Why?

Think I did good, LOTS of Type Exercises to do

Springbreak... kinda snuck up on me.

Long drive, bad weather, very not good.

Kyle and my break = same time! Major win.

Mother + Sister + Me in Philly, you know I had a good reason for that you gotta be patient, STAR WARS! Star Wars exhibit, this gets more explanation cause it was like an event. Day i get back we start talking about it, go on Sunday,too much money kind of and the exhibit isn't all that big BUT still amazing. Had some awesome stuff, enough for me to be happy.

St. Patrick's Day parade day of Star Wars... cause us major problems on the way there but was sorta neat to see all the people once we were. Went TGIFridays, yummy food, then back to long wait for not so great Millenium Falcon thing... but still cool cause sister and I got the front seats which made the ride like.. worth while.

OK OK So then mostly Kyle and mostly Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Fun. Played it lots. Won many peoples. My go to guy is apparently King Dededed. He's great, does a fun dance, has a hammer, be's a penguin. We also ate some food stuffs, watched some Ninja Warrior/Unbeatable Banzuke. Helped me with Film Treatment.

Went to dentist, have great teeth

Back at school, getting As all over the place. Like seriously I did really well I was happy, people even seemed to be in love with my poem.

But this is counteracted by BIG housing situation for next year, they try to screw me considerably and I put up a fight the day before I can go and yell at them in person. Then it ends up working out really well :) but not for some other people :( seems having your parents talked to them really works >.> which is fucking stupid we're adults and we're the reason they have jobs... do what I say. Also seemed to help cause I was nice about it.

Ok.. that's it. Now i'm getting ready to schedule which is gonna be rough. And mother is literally on her way here now for Easter. I gotta church it... oh well. Can't I just give God a colorful egg and some chocolate?

I love you too people, bye

Electric Six - Improper Dancing


Everybodies doin,
What they shouldn't be doin
Everybodies doin it
In the middle of the street
Everybodies movin
What they shouldn't be movin
Everybodies moving it in the middle of the street

Improper dancing in the middle of the street x3
somebody better notify the cheif of police

every bodys freakin
who they shouldn't be freakin
every bodys freakin in the middle of the street
every bodys showin
what they shouldn't be showin
every bodys showin it in the middle of the street

Improper dancing in the middle of the street x3
Man those ppl must have demons livin in their feet

And i want to reach into the fire of your heart
i want to program all those beats right from the start
Have you ever been to NEW YORK CITY?!

and music starts to play (play)
bodies start to sway (sway)
the devil is the dj in the middle of the street
beats are droppin
bodies rockin
hearts are stoppin
electric shockin
i cant believe what i am seeing
in the middle of the street

Improper dancing in the middle of the street x3
somebody better notify the cheif of police

stop
CONTINUE

YES!

Stop...










Continue!

Extra Cheese



Your crust is stuffed,
Your dish is deep,
Your sauce in high supply.

Exceed my hopes,
With seasoned dough.
You always satisfy.

Why must I share?
Why can’t I please,
Just have a little peace.

A slice for her,
A slice for me.
Can I have another piece?

Our rendezvous,
Are frequent now.
I’ll try and cut it back.

I’ll try to stop,
Chew celery
Or have a little snack.

But you tempt,
With fancy deals
And every yummy meat.

I block it out,
But can’t forget
Orgasmic cheesy heat.

I’ll admit
With little fish
Or fruit you leave me low.

But when you’re right
And late at night,
No better thing I know.

So sausage me,
And give me crust.
Thickness of the Pan.

If Papa John’s
Or Pizza Hut
I am your loving man.

I never left my room –Until –



I never left my room – Until –
The walls fell all Around
The world behind my window – Sill –
The tiles turned to Ground –

I wasn’t sure – which way to go –
Confusing panic – Struck –
I’d only see one place before
I’d never heard of Luck-

I saw one path – was closest me –
Another dense with Weeds –
But when I cleared – my cluttered mind –
I chose the one that Leads –

The one that leads – to Happiness –
A step or two from Hope
But traveling weighed – with Loneliness –
I could not scale its Slopes.

-0.1



My desires for silent peace of mind,
Do not account for your most toxic stare.
I hear they say this thing called love is blind,
But to all young lovers, say I,
beware.
These tender fools, which I myself once was,
Are beckoned with a glance that drags them near.
If they only knew what this false love does,
To know what pain will come and what to
fear.
I spent each lonely night, my mind a mess,
Her only wish to use my naive heart.
Your hopes need not be damned to such distress,
Be sure your love is true, or else
depart.
False love, must be this world’s most heinous lie.
But a real love in truth, gives worth to try.

A Daily Chore



Why is living such a chore?
Should our lives be fun?
Make each day one to adore.

Do you find life a bore?
A struggle till it’s done?
Why is living such a chore?

So should we change or lives décor,
Or try living on the run?
Make each day one to adore.

Seems we’re always wanting more.
Greed makes our dreams undone.
Why is living such a chore?

What was missing from before?
A brand new chapter has begun.
Make each day one to adore.

When you can’t take it anymore,
Don’t forget the rising sun.
Why is living such a chore?
Make each day one to adore.